I’ve gotten pretty good at being single...

Submitted by Jeff, a 37-year old engineer in Atlanta.

Dates often ask why I am still single. I’m not really sure I know. I have family, friends, school and career ties to Atlanta. My family and friends are great. My parents live close, but not too close and I'd love to be able to spend more time with my cousins who live up North. As a single person, though, you tend to lose that sense of having as much in common with friends as they are having families. But, our bond is so old now that they are like family.

I like being here, but I feel like it is not a good place for me from a dating perspective. While the dating opportunities are greater here than other places where I’ve lived as an adult, it has been harder to find that someone to connect with on a long term basis. I think part of it is being a non-religious person in the South, which is still largely a religious region. I’m open to meeting someone who is religious to some degree, but I find that the street is often not two-way.

There are also the contradictions that are me. I have a fairly conservative appearance and job, but my ideals are largely academic liberal. I feel that sometimes makes it hard to meet the person you’d connect with internally when the things people use for a first impression don’t necessarily convey your values. I can’t say these things are the reason I’m single, only that they reduce the pool.

I’m not sure when it happened though. Maybe it was just a few years ago. At some point it just became easier to be single than to not be. I probably don't actively seek out meeting people nearly as much as I should. I've done the online dating thing and singles events. But I don't remember ever having met a date in a bar in my life. Probably a third or more of people I've dated long-term or somewhat long-term were people I met through school/work over the years. That's not much of an option now, however, as I don't work with many women. I'm not sure if I'd be disappointed if I never marry or have kids. I've never been married, so I guess I've always been single outside of a long-term relationship and several semi-long term relationships

I’ve spent most of my adult life being single and I’ve gotten pretty good at it. What I mean is that I can take care of myself really well. I take a lot of enjoyment in my hobbies and the fact that being single allows so many opportunities to take on new things to learn. All of the time that I have had being single I have spent becoming a better and better me: learning new hobbies, a new sport, an instrument, a language and I have become a better and better chef. I’m skilled at doing laundry, keeping a clean house and keeping in physical shape. Eventually we get so good at being alone that we don’t NEED someone else for much of anything…except companionship. But isn’t that really the whole point and the way it is supposed to be?